Thursday, June 19, 2008

May 18, 1984 - May 19, 2008

PhotographyByDee309

My brother, Zac, drowned in a local river yesterday in a tragic boating accident. A day after he turned 24. A day after I forgot to call and wish him "happy birthday." 2 days after he called to chat and I had to cut him short and I said I would call him back, but never did. 3 months before him and his wife's first baby...a little girl...is due. A day much too soon.

Zac, I miss you. I am trying so hard to be strong, but I just can't. You are my only brother. My only sibling. The one I've confided in over the last 2 months from dealing with our crazy family. Zac, I can't begin to describe how much it hurts to know that I will never be able to see you again...at least in this lifetime. Anna Lynn and Tripp will miss out on getting to know a wonderful uncle. Uncle "Dack." I miss you, Zac. I always always will. I will miss the opportunity of seeing your face when you would have introduced Rosalina Maria Barber to us in August. Though I know you will be with her every step of her life. She will know you through the stories we will tell her of her handsome, crazy, kind father. You can bet she'll hear what a pain in the butt you were as well! :)

You are in a better place. I know that and you know that. For more reasons than one, Zac. I will always hold it close to my heart that the last words we spoke to each other...even though I was in a hurry...were three words too often taken for granted..."I love you." I will end this post with one of your favorite songs. I never knew how true this was to your life and your personal struggles that you no longer have to battle. You are in a way...free. This is the only thing that gives me peace...knowing that the demons you battled for so long no longer have a hold of you. Rest in peace my brother. You are always in my heart. Every day. This is for you.

Arms of an Angel
Sarah McLachlan


Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel “not good enough"?
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here


I love you Zac