Monday, May 6, 2013

Dad, I thought of you when I heard this song.  I thought of Zac when I watched the video.  Please take the time to listen to it.  

I thought of myself as well.  Though my struggles in life are not the same as Zac's...I have struggled more than you will ever know with the loss of the relationship you and I once had.  I feel like I have lost my Father.  Not in the same way I lost Zac, but it's a loss none-the-less.  Loss of my best friend.  Loss of my "go-to" person.  Loss of my children's grandfather.  Loss of the closet thing I had to my brother.   The hardest part is knowing you are still "here," but choose not to be a part of my life.  

So, yes, I'm "worn" too.  I've been put through situations the past 8 months that I never would have fathomed I'd have to deal with.  Situations that caused me to react in ways I never fathomed I would react.  Situations that I DID NOT create.  Situations that you allowed to happen.  

So, at the end of the day, when you wash your hands of me because of my "disrespect," you need to remember that I am human.  I have feelings.  Especially right after having a brand new baby when this all started.  I will react to the situations I am put in.  Reactions are often equal to the situation in which you are faced with.  If you desire a calm, non-contentious reaction, then please don't put me in a contentious lack of respect situation.  You can't plant a field with weeds and expect roses at the end of the season.

It's never too late to start over.  Never too late to swallow pride and rebuild what once was.  Zac's gone.  You can't bring him back.  I'm here.  You can rebuild what we once had.  It's all a matter of what's important to you.  I'm here.  I always have been.  Always will be.  If your "principal" is more important than a relationship with your daughter, that's your choice.  I just hope our Heavenly Father is more of a forgiving, love without boundaries Father than you are.  Because if not, then we are all in trouble.  Mercy is extended to all through Him...even at our worst.  How do we have the right to wash our hands of others when we expect Him to love us unconditionally?  

Love you.


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